just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
