May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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