I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I wish there were birth control emojis
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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