Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
