you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize