you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
