There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
