Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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