We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
