and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
