they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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