Porn is love you can see.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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