i think my tv is drunk
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
