just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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