Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
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