Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
