is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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