if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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