We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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