fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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