Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
