I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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