Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
