His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
