That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i would punch a child for taco bell
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
