where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
