your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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