I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
