My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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