the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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