Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
