I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Randomize
