ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
