Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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