something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Randomize
