So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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