Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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