She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
