let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
