just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
