Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
