my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
