I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
