You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
