how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
