I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
That accounts for only three of the penises
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Is Oprah even human
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
