i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
