We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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