I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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