I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
