that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
