so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Randomize
