im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
