Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
