Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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