ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize