the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
