I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
