Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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